Imagine being a junior in high school, starting your college search, and dreaming about what you want to do and who you want to be, and then you realize you’ve got it all messed up. Flashback to freshman year of high school, we finally made it. Having no understanding that high school is completely different from middle school, I am still trying to fit in. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that being popular is not worth getting bad grades and slacking off. ‘Your future is what matters’ is something I wish I could tell my freshman-year self. I thought it would only get better from here but everything ended up falling apart. I lost all my best friends and I was accused and blamed for things I did not even do. Through the rumors I heard about me, I felt like I did not even know myself because I began to believe them. I always had anxiety and depressi
on after my parents divorce, and when I lost all my friends, both of my mental health issues got worse. Panic attacks were a constant part of my nightly routine. Pill after pill to help the wandering thoughts that maybe it would be better if I ended my life right now so I do not have to live through this. Every time I let someone close to me, they always abandoned me, which caused abandonment issues, and I vowed to never let anyone in again. I was alone and trapped in a never-ending tornado of emotions. I wish I could have just moved on and not blamed myself for everything that happened because I was in a mental battle with myself. I made it through to the next step of my life, it was my junior year of high school, the year everyone says matters the most. It was time to put everything that happened in the past behind me and focus on making this year the best one yet.